Being Charismatic

Hello!

Birdman here …

My friend Mandi inspired me to write this post.  A couple weeks ago we went to this sketchy punk rock concert in some guy’s basement, and it turned out to be insanely awesome and fun!  We were joking around about forming our own band.  But she said to me something like, “I couldn’t be in a band.  I don’t have enough charisma.”  I thought of Lawrence, the piano player in the movie School of Rock, who said he didn’t belong in the band because he thought, “I’m not cool enough.”  So this got me thinking on the topic of charisma.

What the heck is charisma?  And how can someone be charismatic? .....

Good ol’ Wikipedia supplies a definition for us … charisma: compelling attractiveness or charm that can inspire devotion in others.

I’m sure most of us have had the desire to be seen as charismatic.  We want others to like us.  We want respect.  We want to influence and inspire others.  But how do we do that?  What’s it take to be charismatic?  Do we even have a choice, or are some people just charismatic and others aren’t?

Well, don’t think you can’t be charismatic!  With just about anything in life, if you don’t believe you can do something, then good chances are you won’t be able to.  As human beings, we are able to do so many great things if we train our minds to believe we can do something.  And believing isn’t enough.  We must be confident in our abilities.  As the great Morpheus (a very charismatic leader in the movie The Matrix) said while pushing Neo to his limits to make him realize his true potential, “What are you waiting for?  You’re faster than this.  Don’t think you are.  Know you are.”  If you want more on the subject of discovering the awesome power of the human mind, there’s probably good books out there, but I’ll just suggest watching The Matrix.

So I’m of the belief that we can all be charismatic if we want to.  But how do we do that you might ask?

Well, think about that influential person in your life.  Perhaps your mentor.  Someone you highly respect.  Why do you like them?  What makes them influential or inspirational?

When I hear the word ‘charisma,’ I always think of my high school hockey coach, Coach Inner.  I remember him as a man who was always cool and confident.  Everyone on the team respected him.  He had these dark eyes that would flash with determination and life.  And he rarely raised his voice.  He didn’t need to.  When he wanted to talk, the team would go silent, eager to listen to what he had to say. 

There’s many reasons why we respected him.  He had played hockey at the collegiate level.  He was an assistant coach for the university team.  He respected all his players (and one of the best ways to get respect is to give respect).  Plus he was a great speaker and could deliver some exceptional motivational speeches.  But above all, I think we respected him because he was genuine.  He wasn’t trying to be a cool person; he was just being himself.  And we liked the person he was.

When I was coaching high school hockey last year, I borrowed a lot from Coach Inner.  I would use many of his sayings like “Don’t play not to lose; play to win,” “Play with tenacity,” and “Change when you can, not when you have to.”  I’m fairly good at giving speeches when I put in the effort, and I enjoyed telling stories and delivering motivational talks before and during games, just like Coach Inner would do.  I always liked how he would relate hockey to the grander scheme of life, such as how he’d say, “In everything you do, finish strong,” and so I would do the same thing.

Although I chose to do many things similar to Coach Inner, I knew I wasn’t Coach Inner.  For anyone who knows me, you know I’m not at all a serious person.  Coach Inner was fairly serious, and liked to keep some distance between himself and the players.  I enjoyed being around the players, hanging out, telling stories, talking about school, and joking around.  My speeches may have been motivational, but they were also somewhat humorous with all my wild shenanigans.  If I had tried to be exactly like Coach Inner or anyone else, the players would have seen right through the disguise and known I was fake.  People simply don’t respect dishonesty.

Therefore, I believe being charismatic involves being true to yourself.  It’s not something you can force.  Trying to be charismatic is like trying to be beautiful.  You can improve your body image by exercising, eating right, and practicing good hygiene.  And I guess this analogy applies mainly to women, but when you start using all the cosmetics and flashy fashionable clothing, it seems like a mask that hides your true beauty.  From a guy’s perspective, I’m attracted to women who don’t wear masks because someone who doesn’t alter their appearance or wear clothes they’re uncomfortable in, demonstrates to me a higher level of maturity.  It shows me that they’re ok with who they are.  And that’s the type of person I want to be around.

When you accept and love yourself for who you are, you’ll be happy.  You’ll feel comfortable with who you are.  And others will notice.  There will be this aura of confidence around you.  And that comfort and confidence in yourself cultivates charisma.

If you ever see Giggles in person, you’ll know that she loves herself for who she is.  It reflects in her constant smile and giggly personality.  Because of this, she has a fun and easy time interacting with all the people around her.  And people love to be around her.  They want to hear what she has to say and she has the ability to inspire others.  If you recall, that’s pretty much our definition of charisma.

So to be charismatic, you need to be yourself.  Not everyone is going to like you, but you’ll never be able to please everyone.  The only person you should make sure likes you, is YOU.  Still, if you be yourself then a number of people will like you, or at the very least, respect you.

Being true to yourself is one important and necessary step to having charisma.  But being charismatic,  beyond just being liked and respected, requires more.  It requires both the desire and ability to inspire and help others.  If you think to yourself, “I want to help make a difference in other people’s lives,” then you’ve got the desire.  You’ve made that choice.  Coach Inner would say, “The team that wins will be the team that wants it more.”  So if you really have that want to help others, you can make it happen.

Next it takes ability.  What kind of ability?  It depends on who you want to inspire.  My friend Mandi is a great violist.  With her viola playing ability, if she has the desire to help others become great violists and does it in a way that stays true to herself, then she can be a charismatic leader for those people.  And we all have abilities, whether it’s being a good singer, basketball player, teacher, student, employee, boss, etc.  There may be something we want to do that we’re not that good at.  The good news is, if you’ve got enough desire, you can put in the effort to learn pretty much anything.  For instance, effective public speaking is often a trait associated with charismatic people.  But if you’re not a great speaker right now, that doesn’t mean you can’t become one.   You can take courses in public speaking or participate in clubs like Toastmasters.  It comes down to the belief that to help others become better people, you must first make yourself a better person.  It’s all about personal development.

So to sum things up, if you want to have charisma, it takes these three things:

1.) Being true to yourself

2.) Desire to help and inspire others

3.) Ability to help and inspire others

You all have the power to be charismatic in some way if you want it!

I wish you all well!

Birdman

Love, Listen, Learn, Laugh J